Why do I do that which I hate?

October 30, 2008 at 11:28 pm (Uncategorized)

You got it.  Gotta say, I really must re-read Augustine.

So I begged and pleaded for an extension on the Galileo presentation and (thank God and thank Steve) he allowed it.  It’s due on Monday now.  One would think, I would imagine, that after such a saving grace, one would dash home as fast as possible, thank their lucky stars and immediately get down to work, capatalizing on their “second chance.”  You would think.  Not me.

No, I’ve spent the afternoon doing…well…oh shit.  Absolutely nothing.  Fuck.  It looks worse in blog-form.  Oh, no wait, I did clean up my room.  So that’s good.  It was pretty awful.  I had a super long nap after staying up until 3:30 last night, trying to get that godforsaken, doomed project finished.

Here’s take 100,000,000.

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A Sordid Affair

October 29, 2008 at 12:14 am (Uncategorized)

The only adjective I am satisfied using when discussing my incredible ability to procrastinate is “stunning.”  I have a stunning ability to ignore reality (according to Shannon, I’m an “avoider.”  Truer words were never spoken, my friend).

Right now, I’m pretending I’m don’t have a presentation in Steve’s class tomorrow, and if I did, I would certainly be at least halfway finished.  Or not.  I said to myself, “how did I let this happen?  I can’t believe it!,”  however, after reflection, I’m realizing that, in fact, I would be more incredulous had this unfolded any other way.  The presentation is on Galileo Galilei and the Church.  A wildly complicated issue.  Largely, the problem stems from the overwhelming amount of information gathered on the subject.   It doesn’t help that our class watched a Nova documentary on the exact same thing.  I also have not given a thought to the essay proposal due last Thursday.

So I worked my first “shift” at McDonald’s today.  It really and truly is not that bad.  The call centre was infinitely worse (though that’s another issue in itself, because if the call centre wasn’t so horrendous I might not have done Explore).  It’s fairly easy work, and my co-workers are hilarious.  Of course, there is always grumbling about the manager, but that’s to be expected.  I happen to think Steve (his name is Steve.  How hilarious is that?  There is a glut of Steves in my life right now) is a nice guy.  Certainly one’s opinion of others is something that must be formed for oneself.  At this point, he’s been nice to me.  So there you go.  But yeah, the people are really great.  It’s nice to think I’ll have some cash in my (sort of) hands in the coming weeks.  Now I can buy shoes!  (I feel like Oliver Twist.  No joke.)  I made an ice cream cone really well.  Yup.

I keep saying to myself that, as I have arrived at this point in my life prayerfully, I’m supposed to be working here for a reason.  It’s not about taking pride in worldly things anyway.  I will shy away from spirituality here, though.  I do fancy myself a religious person, but I’ve yet to find a blog (granted, I’ve never looked) where one can discuss their religious views and not sound like a total tool.  So I will let that wait for a more enlightened day.

Back to (or, getting started on) Galileo.  At this point I don’t have a lot of sympathy for him.  Prudence is a virtue, I think.

“And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies.  Is not this written in the book of Ja’sher?  So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.”

-Joshua 10:13

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Arts of the Brain

October 25, 2008 at 8:28 pm (Uncategorized)

So I guess I’m officially a tool now.  Here it is:  the blog!  I have maintained, and I still maintain, that blogs are the height of self-indulgence.  Er, let me recant on that–“vlogs” are worse.  OK , conceded, so I was a tool prior to the decision to title my blog “booklizard,” but if there was ever any doubt at all to my toolish nature, it’s now all been annihilated.  Yes…self-indulgent.  I don’t know the pyschology behind it (yes, I’m one of those arts majors who found an alternate way to procure a science credit), but there’s a definite appeal to posting your thoughts on the anarchical Internet.  Anyways, here goes.

Found out yesterday, definitively, that I will never don a uniform for the Canadian Armed Forces.  Apparently, epileptics pose and “unnecessary combat risk.”  Fair enough.  This makes me very sad.  Though I understand their argument, I totally get it, it’s still disappointing.  I only wish they were forthright about it.  I kind of inwardly sigh at the mention of military service now, which is unfortunate since I have friends in the Army and the Navy.  I would have gone for either…I guess the most frustrating thing is that most of the time I’m not even aware of the epilepsy.  It takes 10 seconds out of my life each day to pop a pill, that’s it.  But there’s no sense in whining about it.  Taylor was telling me about some epileptics whose seizures are so bad they have their corpus callosum’s cut, which messes them up in many unpleasant ways.  So I’m glad I don’t have that.

Epilepsy.  It blows.  But, whatever, I mean, yeah it’s totally lame, but you have to play the hand you’re dealt.  Like Shannon says, for every suffrage there is a grace.  So…that’s good…I guess.  Perhaps I shall continue to attribute my wildly, unnatural lack of tolerance towards alcohol to my medication.  However, having seen Taylor drink what she does, I’m starting to think it might be genetic.

Shannon gave me a ton of new clothes last night.  Pretty sweet!  It includes this gigantic made-in-Great-Britain wool jacket, which I’m hoping will keep me from another bout of hypothermia.  I’m also hoping to swipe an army jacket from gwat–apparently you can wear them at the North Pole and remain warm as toast.  Unsure about that. We’ll see.   I’m just so discouraged (an understatement) about my finances right now.  I simply do not know what to do.  I’ve resorted to borrowing money towards the end of the month to make the rent payments.  It makes me sick to have to do it.  But I do.

I guess what this post is about…the epilepsy, the military, whatever…all goes back to the terrifying financial situation I’m in right now.  A job in the military would have given me a stable career I probably would have enjoyed, as well as allieviating some of the sickening, crushing debt my thoughts dwell upon every day, even seconds after I wake up.  But aren’t I too young to be bitter?  Well, I’m planning on sticking around for another, oh, 70-80 years or so, so I should probably ditch the emo now.

“For even the youth grow weary, and the young man shall utterly fail.  But those who call upon the LORD will mount on wings as eagles.  They shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not grow faint.”

Isaiah 40:29-31

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